you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
