I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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