I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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