Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
