I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
