He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
