I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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