Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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