Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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