Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
