Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
