Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
