You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
