I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
