he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
