a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
