im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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