i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
