So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
