That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
