I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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