I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
