Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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