if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
