the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
