Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
