When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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