having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Randomize
