You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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