We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
