If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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