I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
