is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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