Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
