I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
