some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
third nipple confirmed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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