I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
