Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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