it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
