we have officially lost it.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
