Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
