please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
