I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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