You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
