I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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