seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
