Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
