Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
