You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
