i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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