i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
