I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
