Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
