i think my tv is drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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