I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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