highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
