Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
